Thursday, September 15, 2011

Shades Of Grey.

I call myself an Indian out there,
but of who's history I am highly unaware,
I am a patriot when it comes to the World Cup,
but otherwise I just seem to have given up.
Building a future on a present unstable,
and building it, by the way, from money below
the table.
But just what have I done to make my nation
I wish patriotism was just about shouting out
about marching with flags and flogging the
about walking slut walks and holding banner-ed
I am the one who thinks I' ll wipe my bribes of
the past,
by sitting in protests and keeping a fast.
Of what I am standing against, am I myself
I might promise to be clean but am I myself
Have I got my license in the way that is right?
Have I compromised to corruption or put up a
I am calling myself far sighted, but am I not
being blind,
trying to attack something publically while its
alive in my mind?
Am I not being fake, being a hypocrite?
Being guilty of it myself and calling the politician
a brat?
Don' t think of me as hopeless, there might come
a day,
hen I' ll accept I am not black or white but a
shade of grey.

P.S.- This is not against anna hazare or any specific

person. All due respect to the man for taking a stand

against corruption. This is just against the total peripheral

system surrounding this cause of which we cannot be

sure. We don' t know how many of them are non-corrupt

themselves. I' m am staunchly againt corruption but im

against hypocrisy as well.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Best Things In Life...

in my thoughts i did just contemplate,

why do the best things in life have to wait?

why when we are playing life at its best,

comes a greater than our thougts,undefiable test?

and how when this tame heart is about to concede,

comes in us all the strength that we need?

when time strikes its worst and seconds are tough,

why is just a helping hand enough?

why sometimes we do not shed tears after a while?

why sometimes even pain makes us smile?

is not the strength that u needed all through,

hiding somewhere just within u?

why cant we accept the burden of our mistake?

and when things go wrong why do we blame fate?

is life not a result of the decisions u make?

and to gain something u have to put urself at stake,

why do we always expect things to be right?

and how do circumstances become too big to fight?

life is all about creating the best with the worst,

life is all about striving endlessly to quench ur thirst,

and all the best things in life do not have to wait,

work,labour,strive, go make ur fate!!

Monday, June 28, 2010


the moon seemed different in the night sky today,
its seemed that to me it had many things to say,
when i should have been asleep, i lay wide awake,
my throat tightening as if i would break,
i thought of the time i had spent in this place,
and memories started occurring at a slow pace,
i had cursed things and yet loved them in some way,
experienced joys and seen dismays,
i had loved my moms eyes when shed scold,
i had sipped up boiling coffees in days of cold,
i had made friends on the way and learned to forgive,
i had found so many new reasons to live,
i had learned what it is to love and what it is to lose,
i had met people simple and met people abstruse,
looking back on what i had i felt strangely joyed,
and found myself smiling at the things that had once annoyed,
and yet i knew from this place i would soon go apart,
and this painful feeling broke my little heart,
and before i knew a tear rolled down my cheek,
and amidst all the nostalgia i started feeling weak,
those friends and mates and places would soon become the past,
and it seems almost unfair that time has gone so fast,
and all those familiar faces will soon be gone,
and all that will be left are memories alone,
how will i then console,how will i then deny,
that all those familiar faces have already said goodbye....

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Unfulfilled passions...

If every dream could be fulfilled, no man in this world would be dejected...

Dreams, aspirations, passions alter from person to person. some dream of being a ritu kumar and some a barkha dutt. bur does everyone get ther? hardly...

The common person of today though does not confine his passions to particular fields.
many people have a broad spectrumed liking ranging from nature photography to salsa dancing.

but the hard truth is is that most or sometimes even all the passions take a backseat as the practical man takes over..
if only passions could feed!!!

Potential presley's end up not playing but facing the music in conference rooms..
Potential tharoor's end up not tweeting but sweating to meet deadlines...

who on this earth good at something would not have wanted to do it for the rest of his life??
but in the end the person who moves forward is totally different..
the person who loves song,dance or say photography is left behind and surfaces only in moments of solitude which are hard to find in todays world.

eho knows if those potential talents could possibly have left the stalwarts behind but could never gather courage to tread the unorthodox path...

mostly everyone ends up a changed person, doing something that his nonchalant childhood determined to fulfill his passion might never have imagined and then their statement "i am satisfied" seems just relative to the people who pursued their passions and failed because man is accustomed to accepting his defeat by comparing himself to failures..

and then it just gives a wee bit of consolation to think that our passions remained unfulfilled by our choice......

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Today as i begin to write this,i am not sure how to start.i am falling short of words and overflowing with not put this phase of life into words would somehow seem wrong,almost sinful and so i make an attempt to put whatevr i feel into black n white.

These days,i try my best to take the road which passes from the front of the cream coloured structure ,and when i do,i close my eyes and in an instant i am there..surrounded by the hustle and bustle of my school.
the morning breeze settled on my hair forcing me to close my eyes a s i took in the pleasantness it induced.all of ur reluctantly headed towards the assembly hall and as we did we thot abt the day 2 gave us something to do while the assembly progressd.
neatly gathered in rows we looked more like a army trrop ready to head for battle and if not precisely it was vaguely what we were.young inexperienced children marching ahead towards our carrer...
the day which followed was monotonous,with the pleasant breeze being replaced either by chilly winds or withering sunshine,none of which were as pleasant as the former.
sitting in the classes some listened,some saw and some slept as the teachers went abt their lectures with impeccable perfection.
the lunch break was characterized by innumerable groups giggling around.the ones who didnt stand in groups were couples so blinded in their "love" that they dind see what was coming their way...
everyone had blended so perfectly to this routine that life now seems incomplete.

Just the small things we took for granted.getting to meet our friends everyday,our teachers,everything
the day the boards were ovr i at once knew that evrything was-the breeze,the giggles,the small mercies,evrything.....
this thought overwhelms me and whe i open my eyes i realize that i have left the school far behind,on the road and in my life as well and yet my thoughts lingered to was after all the place which taught me frienship,taught me love and gave me a vision in life..and most of al gave me people i cud look up to in the form of teachers.
it made me what i am and yet i feel i have more to learn and i long to enter those premises again.stand at the water cooler and char endlessly.i dont want to be given the tag of an ex-student,cant i just always remain a student without any prefixes?
all these questions swerve in my head as i smile to myself and get ready to statr the next part of my life already awrae that it couldnt be as beautiful as my past.
i love the life i led at school.
i love my school snd i will always take any road which,if cannot take me back to school,can atleast let me pass by it so that i can close my eyes and live it all over again.....

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

it can happen to me.....

this world has a population of around 6 billion...where ever you see there are people..some that we know and some that we dont..and others are people who we know just by their smiles..

everyday..where ever we go we see people..and all that we recognize of them is the smile that reflects on their faces..sometimes out of acquaintance and sometimes just out of reflex..i go to school everyday..and every morning i meet people whom i dont know by name or as a friend..but yet just the sense of belonging to he same place gives you a peculiar feeling that they are an integral part of your life..

never do we stop and talk..but yet the day seems incomplete without that smile..nobody knows what their day is going to be like..and in such conditions just a smiling face,even of someone we dont know can send a vibe of positivity into your soul...

this week has shown me the significance of such people in life..

2 days ago..a friend of mine..someone i shared my lunch with everyday..someone i shared my projects with..she had to be hospitalized..i felt a shiver down my spine when i came to know about this reflected the uncertainty of day u r with the person and the other day u r helpless..praying for her recovery as soon as possible..

just when u think that u are in control of ur slips away like sand from ur hand..

and today..
the day seemed to be normal..
till the time the news of an accident came by..she was the prefect of the school..everyday i smiled at her during the assembly and she smiled back..
just 3 days ago..i had clicked her snap with one of our common friends and 3 days later i hear that she has had an accident..
i dont know her..but yet something distracted my thoughts floated to her..
the moments we had shared together out of the mere coincidence of being in the same place at the same time..

i was desperate to know how she was..and i felt relieved only when i was sure that she is out of danger..

that is what life is all about..

and the biggest misconception about any mishap is that it cant happen to me or to anybody i know..well it transpires that anything can people i know..and to me as well..

Saturday, October 31, 2009

cyclones.. a cyclone ravages the southern parts of india i sit here undeterred by its doesnt mean there isnt a cyclone here..everyday everywhere millions of cyclones take birth..not on topographies but in minds and hearts...

i cudnt hav cared any less till yesterday about phyan..but today when i decided to skip my coaching to meet some moments of solitude and bliss i found myself amidst my own version of the phyan n definitely more important to me..

1 and a half years ago..
20th may..
the house was in turmoil..
the reason obvious..
the most important day of my life wasnt seeming as important to board results...
94% did not sound bad to me..its was much more than what i had expected from myself..little did i know its aftermaths..

i was on top of the world..i kept saying to myself.."ur not born to take the beaten track..ur gona do it different."...strike 1!!!but yes i still believe i have made you proud..i know ur looking and i know u will be proud of my result..

thats when it all began..class 11th was the doom of me..i couldnt really get over the board hangover..i thot.."cummon calm down..u hav jz given the board..what do u think u r?? a monster..hav fun..the time is now..."strike 2!!!

i messd up my half yearlys in 11th..most of my classmates did..i tried recovering and well..managed ok if not gud...

class 12th...i knew this was the most vital year..i had planned studying big time..unfortunately most times plans just remain "plans"..yet..i came 6th in my comparitivs..with a 72%.what i didnt realize is that it wasnt that i had done gud..the others had done bad..n that pretty much stole away all the credit from me..ignorant of this fact i thot im all set for everythind...strike 3!!!

all of that and jaundice combined into disaster...2nd comparitivs..72%remained where it was..but rank turned into 23rd..

my confidence crumpled to the ground..uncertainty surrounded me like air..silent but always around me..sometimes even dominating over all other senses..treading me into deep trances and dreadful images of the future..i was and am completely lost..
i dont know what is going to become of me..all my dreams seem to be fading away..into the fast moving and circling airs of seems as though everything i had thought was for someone else..i feel that all that i will manage is some b grade course in a c grade college and thats it..every dream is now a nightmare..every hope now a burden..every expectation now a curse..i wonder when this cyclone will cease..not till the time i get selected somewhere..anywhere...

phyan is raging today..will be forgotten tomorrow..but this cyclone is within me..nobody knows and nobody will..but i am afraid it would have devastated enough by the time its gone...